Just to confirm...

Public topics not directly related to NAR, for example real F1 racing.
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Craig Cookson
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Just to confirm...

Post by Craig Cookson » 06 Oct 2010, 13:59

2010 - The FIA have confirmed the placement of a new carpark sized tarmac run-off area on the exit of the fast first Degner corner at Suzuka. The change comes after a number of drivers apparently 'ran wide' at said corner in 2009.


2011 - The FIA confirms that from 2012 all corners shall have a maximum apex speed of 30mph. The change is to be made on safety grounds after an unidentified object (later revealed to be a 'car') was reportedly spotted by an FIA representative whilst going around a corner "far too quickly". Worries that the decrease in corner speeds will lead to less exciting races are said to be "unsubstaniated" and the change had to be brought in for the good of the 'sport'.
A spokesperson for FOM gave this reaction - "at least it should now be easier to see the sponsors on the bloody cars!" The spokesperson would not give his name, but is said to be well past his sell-by date.


2013 - After viewing footage of the 2010 Singapore Grand Prix the FIA have decided that all forms of engines should be removed from the sport. The change comes after a Lotus went up in flames on the final lap of the race, leading to the conclusion that engines are simply far too dangerous. Asked why it has taken them 3 years to make this decision the FIA responded by saying "it's because we're shit."

The driver of the Lotus (who shall remain shameless) released this statement - "I'm really sorry... I tried to put the fire out before they noticed, but they've got these sodding cameras everywhere!"

Reports that the new rule is being fast-tracked and will come into effect for the start of the 2014 season has sparked angry responses from team bosses up and down the pit lane. Ferrari's Stefano Domenicali had this to say - "Vaffanculo!! We begun designing tomorrows car since yesterday - and they say we just poot all the ideas in the bin? Bullshitiano!!" Reports that Felipe Massa is willing to push Fernando Alonso around the track for 'the good of the team' are apparently not too far from the truth.

HRT boss Collin Kolles took a slightly more relaxed view of the situation - "We adhered to this rule since 2011, as we could not afford the luxury of an engine. For us it simply brings it down to a more level playing field, and for this we are very happy. Of course we would also welcome a rule regarding the introduction a universal chassis, but at present many of the other teams seem opposed to running a car built by Fisher Price..."

Accusations that the FIA's banning of engines is yet another knee-jerk reaction to a minor incident are said to be 100% justified.


2014 - After all cars fail to leave the garage for the first practice session of the 2014 Bahrain Grand Prix (with the exception of Ferrari's Fernando Alonso), the FIA decides to allow 4 mechanics per team to push the cars around the track.


2014.1 - Thirteen heart attacks later and the FIA retracts the new mechanic rule, cancels the Bahrain Grand Prix (to the dismay of the sole remaining fan in the grandstand) and forces the teams to come up with a new propulsion technique in time for the second race of the season, the inaugural Icelandic Grand Prix.

"This is a bleak day for the sport, but it's an even bleaker day for me. A record low for ticket sales, and the one ticket we have sold will probably have to be refunded. It's a big blow - I really needed that £500,000." - Bernie Ecclestone


2014.2 - Reports around the world suggest Formula One has made a breakthrough in modern propulsion technology, and not only that - the popularity of the sport is about to skyrocket!

"On this momentous day we, the Formula One Teams Association, would like to introduce you to the future of vehicle propulsion. It has not been an easy task, but when our backs are against the wall we will always come out fighting. With the very existence of the sport hanging by a thread we knew we had to act... and act we have. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you... Formula One 2014!"

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v389/ ... e-2014.jpg



2014.3 - The FIA announces the death of Formula One. All subsequent events are cancelled.

R.I.P.
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carrera
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Re: Just to confirm...

Post by carrera » 06 Oct 2010, 15:08

FUNNY THING Craig....I started believing it at the beginning until the engine thing....
After all....FIA has some weirdly implemented ideas as it is already.I like the idea of MAssa pushing fernando around the track.
Somehow I think Massa would still say"I am not number 2 in this team"...hahahaha..
Why not just give the engineers some chewing gum and rubber bands and just say"you figure it out boys...you have 2 weeks till the next race"...
Now thats pressure...Still funny as hell craig....thanx for the report.
carrera 8) 8) 8)
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Coffeemachine
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Re: Just to confirm...

Post by Coffeemachine » 06 Oct 2010, 16:46

what? I mean seriously craig?

... does anyone really think HRT will survive to 2014? :D

oh, and i know the solution to the propoulsion system - its alredy been on trial here :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbf5webg ... re=related
Last edited by Coffeemachine on 06 Oct 2010, 17:14, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Just to confirm...

Post by Bilbo » 06 Oct 2010, 17:06

Fisher Price FTW! :lol:
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Craig Cookson
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Re: Just to confirm...

Post by Craig Cookson » 07 Oct 2010, 11:15

Coffeemachine wrote:oh, and i know the solution to the propoulsion system - its alredy been on trial here :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fbf5webg ... re=related
lol

Great video there. :P
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